[photo courtesy of yours truly]
What exactly are you looking at ? What does that weird tweet over there in my shout box mean? Well dear readers.. let me explain. That picture you see is the LuLu Mobile. We refer to her lovingly as the GhettoSled. While she is ruby-red and oh so lovely (in theory) she is what you would call one beat up hussy. She was paid off exactly 12 months after she rolled into our lives April 2001, after being born in Detroit just a month earlier. 14 miles existed on her little meter. It was the first time LuLu or Pixie had owned a new car. Everything before that had been a lease vehicle (the Lexus my boss got me) gently used (Horizon coworker sold me) Pathfinder (biocreep had wrecked that I paid for) or Mopar (classic cars I restored to drive cash in and pay for life with) .
GhettoSled was in her day oh so sassy. She has over the years been very well cared for but once her parent company went belly up – car manufacturer that no longer exists – she amazingly began to knock ping wiggle and shimmy apart at the seams. There also is that anti-theft issue with her sometimes deciding to NOT turn on, which is a bug that said former parents knew about wouldn’t recall wouldn’t fix.We however know how to hack around that. Please make sure you ask me before driving her it’s an easy trick.
LuLu has not had a car payment in nine years.
LuLu does not want another car payment. But LuLu is going to have to think about that soon it seems.
Sept-ish Ghetto window right passenger side falls down – take it to dealer – 500 – fix need regulator motor belt – bla bla bla my head lobbed back my eyes glazed over – I stuck cardboard in the dam thing and said “screw it I am broke there’s other things I need to pay for right now”. A certain King said he could fix it. He didn’t. Shame on you. Someone else said they could to but never seemed motivated enough to do it. I in my vast car knowledge will eventually get my butt into the parts store buy what I need and do it myself. Windows – not rocket science. So Pixie had an appointment tonight – get out and my window was completely and I mean completely down in the door well.
Horrendous day that existed before caused me to want to sledgehammer GhettoSled:
(Bad client – lost the card – saw window down – thought card got stolen – cancelled card – found card in bathrobe that I wore to pump gas the other morning- called bank back card dead – new card 10 days – no money no food – client still bad and slamming me with stupid emails – no vodka – no jack – client called – gnaw wrists)
I don’t want to drive home because I know down in the door the glass is going to crack. So I ponder. In the infamous words of Feazell “What does it MEAN ?!?!” It means I have to whip a MacGyver out of my ass yet once again (I say that because I do it weekly) and fix this shit.
Now for those of you who have in the past opened my trunk and thought.. Why do you have gloves, shoes, clothes, blankets, food, (yes really) water, is that lube?, vase, gum, band aids, cables, cable box, is that a tens unit?, duct tape or any of the other many obscure oddities that exist back there.. .Here is your answer… I have been stranded dumped left lost hungry caught in a hurricane tornado snow …. etc. I can use all or most of those components and get mysefl out of ANYTHING including going off the road landing in a lake or retention pond and losing the ability to open my windows and not get out.These are my survival bits skills and kit hard at work. Impressed yet – no ok fine then.
I start digging in sled trunk – can’t find the duct tape to reach in and make a sticky to pull window back up cant find needle nose pliers – i put on rubber kitchen gloves (think battery acid hello really you don’t have these in your trunk?) and i lick the tips to get a little friction going. What rubber doesn’t get hot when you lick it 🙂
Pixie pulls frame open I reach in and tada.. Fail.
Next we try bare hands – it’s too cold – Fail.
We begin to dig through the trunk and this bumper deco comes into view.. hmm LuLu Brain on Car Crack.
Does the sticky on this devil fish still work oooo yes it does… Stick it down in door well wont get glass but in the process we figured out how to grab glass with hands instead.
WIN! Pixie hoists it up and secures it then bends back in frame moulding to proper place. I go to inside car and I am thinking “ok fishy is not flat – fishy can’t fit in door well. Technically if I adhere fishy to inside window – window wont slide down .. anymore .. at all until I fix window”. We stick fishy to window a little , slowly peeling off to make sure fishy isn’t going to permanently be ON window as they sometimes are peoples bumpers and ta da
WIN = Devil Darwin Political Statement Fishy is now Holding Up GhettoSled Window.