Somehow I wrote this and it never published so here’s a love letter to my friend Kelly:
“Mother should be a title that is earned not just given…I hope I earn it with BabyZ and she never has to stand in the card aisle with a pit in her stomach trying to find one that’s nice, but not full of empty sentiments.”
Truer words were never spoken. My friend KB popped this nugget of wisdom out today. She saw what I had to deal with, I was involved in her moments. Growing up as daughters of guilt, toxic, stinky thinking and verbal vomit I think we could certainly speak volumes about parental rearing from our generation.
I had hoped this generation would be the one to end the cycle, but I think the complications have become much different. Turning your kids into your own personal psychologist = Bad. Sharing intimate or inappropriate details = BAD. Yes young adults need to understand healthy sexual relationships, safe sex, and that sex is best in love and not just fun. Ok I know that sounds old-fashioned, but I am one of those weirdos that put protocol on their kid.
My mother wouldn’t even say the word penis. Pixie is 16 now (almost 17), I can say things without fits of laughter erupting. Well admittedly we are both corny so fine, laughter still comes out but its a comfortable age appropriate discussion.
Filling your kids up with guilt to come over to your way of thinking of to defame another parent = BAD. You may not like that person what or who they are to you now, but they biologically helped create your child and are part of their lives. Good bad – kids will figure it out. Be the better person and help them. Help guide them through those challenges.
I go into tomorrow thrilled I have such a kick butt kid, sad my mother has never learned or earned to be just that. By her example I did change, I did grow through some of the pain and I became a better parent.
KB – you are a beautiful woman and you have no worries. You will have moments you want to pull out your hair and you will yell. You may even spank a fanny or two in your time, despite your best efforts to be super mom. But guess what babycakes, that’s whats going to make you amazing. You will seek better ways to communicate with BabyZ. You will engage her Daddy and work to create a space of love and growth that will not include hurtful things or toxic intentional guilt. You have earned your MOM Badge Darling 🙂