Sometimes a little box of sunshine can remind you to look beyond dark clouds. Just sometimes the gestures and gifts we share can speak volumes for the words in our hearts.
Clouds crowded my heart this last past week. With all the stress piles currently circling our family I was trudging right along not thinking to talk it out express or even remotely mention what was creeping through my mind. J was in Dallas, Pix was super involved in being a teenager and I was left to ponder my own emotional train wreck that was building out of control, unknown to me.
By Saturday morning I was feeling that horrible feeling of “overwhelming” and was truly affected by it. For clarification, I don’t suffer from depression, bipolar or any form of similar anxiety disorders. Believe me in the past I have asked my physician and shrink both why I get to the point, why I let things build up so much they make me miserable. Both came back (put on your shocked face) with a resounding “You’re stubborn as a mule and you need to stop, let it go have a good cry and stop being vague with yourself”.
I sat on the phone with my mom for five hours. She lives right across the street. We talked about our family. I am doing our ancestry now, it’s even better than I thought and I really am having fun with it. Through the depths of this conversation came some really profound advice. One piece in particular that shook me so hard I felt that lump in my throat and couldn’t breathe.
So I share these little tidbits with you. Perhaps someday they might bring sunshine to a cloudy day in your heart. Perhaps they will mean nothing but here they are 🙂
1. Nothing else matters but the love between you two. Not family, not your children, not your friends. When the love that surrounds you, binds you, everything and everyone else will be taken care of. Everyone will be better because of it.
2. Make decisions as a team.
3. Act like a team.
4. No one or anything else comes first. (This is where she put on her stern voice)
– Back to point one – Going not only through her life but marriages, she stated flat-out how no one had ever taught her to put her mate first. Not her parents relatives friends or even spouses themselves. She felt it was time if nothing else she helped me understand that and apologize if she had ever made it difficult to do so in the past.
5. Money will ruin your marriage.
– Don’t use it as a tool or an excuse. Don’t use it as a crutch to create a regret. See it as an opportunity to plan a lifetime and an adventure. Don’t be stupid with it. It’s fickle. The two of you want something – talk about it – create a piggy bank – plan for it dream and laugh. You both make good incomes, there’s no reason you need to worry about a thing. She also knows both of us really like nice things, but tend to be frugal differently in odd ways. We need to bring those ways together.
6. Don’t go to bed angry, or afraid to say your angry.
7. Hug touch kiss often. Make love to each other every day if even in your minds. Feeling romantic makes you think of your other ALL the time. At the end of the day when you walk through the door, seeing them is that much better. You say kinder things, you share excitement for being around each other. Applies equally to other loved ones in your life – think of them sweetly and speak to them kindly.
8. Have your Honeymoon every day.
– This one was more for me but can be applied to you. JC and I have been so busy with so much “other” stuff around us, we haven’t often had the time to be a couple. To have a date. To not be called texted emailed or communicated to in some way that distracts us from each other. I’ve learned to pick up my phone and start social-booking to entertain myself while something else is happening. So much so its a habit now. I catch myself doing it all the time. My mother caught me as well at a Holiday get together and was peeved at me. She hasn’t mentioned it until now but called me out on it. She is very aware too that “The Honeymoon” phase hasn’t happened yet. That didn’t use to be me.
9. Don’t talk at each other.
– Seems weird and odd to say, but sometimes you can get two people who like talking to each other very much. So much so when they get the chance they have so much to say they end up talking at each other. The other person has very little response and doesn’t learn how to engage their partner. There’s cues in a person’s tone body language and even expressed feelings that help you learn more about them. I have had to practice my listening skills. I adopted a tendency from a previous relationship (great skill that it is, but not always practical) to want to ask questions – come up with a game plan – create possible steps to resolution – and “fix it”. Sometimes this is proactive. Sometimes the person in question doesn’t need that. Sometimes the person needs you to show up with a handful of beautiful flowers and hug it out.
10. But the greatest of these is love…
Learn how to love. Be in love. Enjoy love. It is the greatest thing for ourselves and all those around us.